June 12, 2005
Dan Brown Does It Again!
As if he hadn't already blown us all away with the staggering success of his blockbuster novel, The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown now offers conclusive proof that he is not a one-trick pony.
WARNING: If you are not ready to have your own world-view challenged, to have the beliefs you've clung to your whole life thrown asunder like a pair of dirty tube-socks, READ NO FURTHER. What follows may shock and disturb you.
Where art and metaphysics collide
With The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown rocked our worlds, offering persuasive evidence of a religious conspiracy that spanned centuries and continents (also offering merchandising opportunities unrivaled since the debut of Star Wars), all tied to a famous historical painting.
That was nothing.
It's time to prepare yourself to have your mind blown by . . . The Pollock Prophecy!
Once again, Dan Brown has explored the paintings of one of our historical artistic icons. And in doing so, he has found even more shocking results.
It all began when Dan made a visit to the National Gallery of Art, where he found himself transfixed by a painting by abstract expressionist Jackson Pollock. The painting in question? Pollock's 1950 masterpiece "Number 1, 1950 (Lavender Mist)," a portion of which is shown below.
While many who view Pollock's work are only able to see splatters and drips of paint, Dan felt his artistic sensibilities being tugged like the pant-leg of a pet lover whose Yorkshire Terrier needs desperately to go outside. What is it, Brown asked himself, that calls me to this painting? What message lurks beneath?
There was only one thing to do. Although the painting was not for sale, Dan Brown has - as we all know - more money than God.
So he bought the painting.
That's when the serious study began. Dan swore he saw a hidden image among the splotches and splatters. In particular, one area of the painting seemed to beckon to him (circled in red, below). What could it be? An image of Jesus? Mary Magdalene? Spartacus, perhaps?
The naked eye yielded no answers. So Dan hired a team of experts (okay, he actually bought them, after being forced to fork over a little something extra to get past the pesky anti-slavery laws that still exist in the US).
Using sophisticated X-ray technology honed in the finest airports in the world, the team Dan was leading began to isolate the image. An eerie pair of oversized eyes began to emerge, over a series of horizontal slashes that seemed to suggest the ribcage of some otherworldly skeletal being.
Using highly technical photo-negative bipolar gravitivity techniques developed in the one-hour booth at Walgreens, Dan's team enhanced the image further, rendering the horizontal slashes and penetrating eyes even clearer. Dan knew he was on the verge of a breakthrough, so he did the only sensible thing.
He phoned his agent.
Fortunately, Dan's agent knew a man known only as "Pixel," who was rumored to be "the bomb with Photoshop." At great expense, Pixel was summoned to the Brown compound, where he was able to complete the job of uncovering the mysterious image.
When Pixel was finished, everyone stood agape. Though nearly never at a loss for words, for once Dan Brown was speechless.
He had found the secret. He had found ... Him.
Finally Pixel broke the silence, in a breathless whisper tinged with Mentos and Red Bull.
"Dude," he said. "So that's where Waldo was."
Coming in 2006 from Random House:
In Other News
Twenty minutes after this blog entry was published, an enormous stretch limousine pulled up in front of the National Gallery of Art. Emerging from the car, a man who bore a striking resemblance to Dan Brown was seen hurrying into the museum, clutching a digital camera and a spiral notebook.
The Daily Haiku
Today's effort pays homage to an actor whose work I admire and whose hairline I share.
Currently Reading
Still River by Harry Hunsicker
Whiskey Sour by JA Konrath
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
WARNING: If you are not ready to have your own world-view challenged, to have the beliefs you've clung to your whole life thrown asunder like a pair of dirty tube-socks, READ NO FURTHER. What follows may shock and disturb you.
Where art and metaphysics collide
With The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown rocked our worlds, offering persuasive evidence of a religious conspiracy that spanned centuries and continents (also offering merchandising opportunities unrivaled since the debut of Star Wars), all tied to a famous historical painting.
That was nothing.
It's time to prepare yourself to have your mind blown by . . . The Pollock Prophecy!
Once again, Dan Brown has explored the paintings of one of our historical artistic icons. And in doing so, he has found even more shocking results.
It all began when Dan made a visit to the National Gallery of Art, where he found himself transfixed by a painting by abstract expressionist Jackson Pollock. The painting in question? Pollock's 1950 masterpiece "Number 1, 1950 (Lavender Mist)," a portion of which is shown below.
While many who view Pollock's work are only able to see splatters and drips of paint, Dan felt his artistic sensibilities being tugged like the pant-leg of a pet lover whose Yorkshire Terrier needs desperately to go outside. What is it, Brown asked himself, that calls me to this painting? What message lurks beneath?
There was only one thing to do. Although the painting was not for sale, Dan Brown has - as we all know - more money than God.
So he bought the painting.
That's when the serious study began. Dan swore he saw a hidden image among the splotches and splatters. In particular, one area of the painting seemed to beckon to him (circled in red, below). What could it be? An image of Jesus? Mary Magdalene? Spartacus, perhaps?
The naked eye yielded no answers. So Dan hired a team of experts (okay, he actually bought them, after being forced to fork over a little something extra to get past the pesky anti-slavery laws that still exist in the US).
Using sophisticated X-ray technology honed in the finest airports in the world, the team Dan was leading began to isolate the image. An eerie pair of oversized eyes began to emerge, over a series of horizontal slashes that seemed to suggest the ribcage of some otherworldly skeletal being.
Using highly technical photo-negative bipolar gravitivity techniques developed in the one-hour booth at Walgreens, Dan's team enhanced the image further, rendering the horizontal slashes and penetrating eyes even clearer. Dan knew he was on the verge of a breakthrough, so he did the only sensible thing.
He phoned his agent.
Fortunately, Dan's agent knew a man known only as "Pixel," who was rumored to be "the bomb with Photoshop." At great expense, Pixel was summoned to the Brown compound, where he was able to complete the job of uncovering the mysterious image.
When Pixel was finished, everyone stood agape. Though nearly never at a loss for words, for once Dan Brown was speechless.
He had found the secret. He had found ... Him.
Finally Pixel broke the silence, in a breathless whisper tinged with Mentos and Red Bull.
"Dude," he said. "So that's where Waldo was."
Coming in 2006 from Random House:
THE POLLOCK PROPHECY by Dan Brown.
In Other News
Twenty minutes after this blog entry was published, an enormous stretch limousine pulled up in front of the National Gallery of Art. Emerging from the car, a man who bore a striking resemblance to Dan Brown was seen hurrying into the museum, clutching a digital camera and a spiral notebook.
The Daily Haiku
Today's effort pays homage to an actor whose work I admire and whose hairline I share.
Ode to Ed Harris
I would have to say
your Pollock portrayal made
a great splatter film.
Currently Reading
Still River by Harry Hunsicker
Whiskey Sour by JA Konrath
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
